I am Dragon. It’s what I have been called for many years on other MI sights. It is who I am/was. Sego is my stage name. 😏
Background: I have been DX’d as having MDD, Bipolar NOS, Bipolar 1 and Bipolar 2. Tried a lot of meds. Who of us has not? Sometimes I am med compliant, sometimes not. I see a Pdoc and Tdoc a bit more than I like, but it is what it is. I cycle, don’t have much choice in frequency of visits. I also attend a DBSA meeting weekly. (Depression Bipolar Support Alliance). It’s power in my life has exceeded expectation. I have found my tribe, my clan.
My DX makes no difference to me anymore. It’s a name, it’s not me. But the Bitch that is my MI has me in its mouth. Dragging me around drooping and exhausted like a rag doll.
Sometimes she loosens her grip and I fall to freedom. My mind is present, she is gone. She is not ripping me to shreds with her claws and poison words.
I call it the landing zone. Sometimes I stay landed for a while. Actually happy and connected to my world and the people in it.
Sometimes I take off. It’s all fun and games until someone gets their eye poked out. Not really. Oh the things I have gotten myself into. Nothing new. Mania is mania. It has its theme. It has its delusions that return and of course the world makes sense. The Universe is connected to me and me to her. I will not go into anything more. It’s all textbook. I am in no way unique. No matter how chosen I feel I am not. I am just me and my brain is on the fritz.
Then POP. I lose all the air, I come crashing down.
My pain is like yours, my quest for well is like yours and it’s that fact that helps me feel not alone with it all. You help me get through my days. Thank you.
My hope for this blog is not only to create a timeline of my ups and downs and in-betweens, but things I have learned. Things I need to learn and things that may kill me one day.
I have not followed a straight line in trying to become stable. I continue to be my own worst enemy.
Some insight would be very valuable to me.
So let’s see how this goes.